~Eve~
1997

By Catt Kingsgrave

Oh Daddy, what have I done? Oh Daddy, what have I done?
I let myself be led from the path you set me on,
And now it's overgrown, I can't find my way home
And all I ever thought I knew is gone

Oh Daddy, I've done it now. Oh Daddy, I've gone and done it now.
I made no one a promise, I took no sacred vow
I'm still your little girl, but now I've seen the world,
And I know where the blame is comin' down.

But oh, it tasted good. Oh, Daddy, just like you knew it would.
I feel its bitter sweetness burning in my brain
And yes, it's gonna cost; I know what I have lost
But I have no regrets about the gain.

Come a time I know I'm gonna regret it
Gonna come a time when these eyes of mine are blinded by the tears,
But I've seen too much to ever forget it,
And the secrets you thought you only knew are ringing in my brain.

Oh Daddy, you know your little girl's changed. Oh Daddy, I'm never gonna be the same.
I know you can be gentle, and I hope you can be kind.
But nothing can erase the changes in my face.
I guess I'm not the girl you had in mind.

Daddy, you had to know. You pointed; you know you showed me where to go.
(And how to get there)
You know I'm not the strong one; you drove her far away
But I know too much now to cower or to bow
And you and I got nothing more to say.

And I don't suppose you'll ever forgive it.
You made us all, set us up to fall, but we still bear the blame
And your every daughter's gonna relive it;
The pretty face, the fall from grace, and a lifetime of fighting off Shame.

But oh, Daddy; just one more thing. This little song, you know it wants a harmony.
I won't go like my sister; the shadows aren't for me.
I might be a disgrace, but I won't be replaced;
Your little Boy'll be growing up with me.
Your little boy, he's all grown up with me.

*****

Have I mentioned that I take perverse delight in Heresy? Because I do. And this view of Eve is one of my favorite heresies. A woman who knew what she was sacrificing when she gave the fruit to the Man, who knew that she could have gone on pretending not to understand, but that her children would know what she did. A woman who would not pretend to be less than she was just to satisfy a power she was beginning not to trust. She knew, or at least suspected that she was disposable. So by taking Adam along with her, she cemented her place in reality -- not another shadowy, half-forgotten Lilith, this Eve. She would leave a stronger legacy through her courage, and though perhaps tainted with regret, it would at least have a freedom to it that being kept as a garden pet lacked.

And yes, this is also an analogy for my life. I object to cages, no matter how pretty or comfortable, and I have walked away from several very comfortable cages in my lifetime. Because what can you own of a cat, but it's skin? Nothing. That's what.